I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
