there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
