"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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