he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
