Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
