Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
