The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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