9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
