you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
as a side note pls kill me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
