hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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