You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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