I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
