Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
