i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
