so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
