I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
