i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
operation harelip BJ is a go
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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