I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
