I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
