I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
