God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
