so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
