I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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