Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
