Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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