i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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