I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
