OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
