the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
