you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
