you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think i have two assholes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
