I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
