That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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