Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
