Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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