Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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