I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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