Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Text me some of your sweat
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
