Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
