This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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