I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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