U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
