Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
