I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
