i would punch a child for taco bell
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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