stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
