The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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