why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
