I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
