So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
