I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
