I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
