Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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