You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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