I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
