I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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