do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
