Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
