I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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